


Back To Where It All Began

by lfg1986



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017) RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort/Angst, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-27 10:29:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20758901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lfg1986/pseuds/lfg1986
Summary: In the aftermath of Capri, Timmy is desperate to see Armie.  He tells Armie to meet him where everything began for them.  After months apart, the two reconnect for a night, and Armie helps comfort Timmy as they deal with the difficulties of navigating a relationship that has to stay hidden.





	Back To Where It All Began

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So this was a requested prompt, and I originally hesitated to dip my toes into these rather sensitive waters, but as it was someone very dear to me who requested it, I decided to give it a shot because I can't deny her anything. So this is for you, Monica. Also shout-out to the lovely anon from tumblr who also requested this same idea. You both convinced me that this was a worthwhile attempt to help people deal with some current fandom turbulence, so here goes nothing. I hope you enjoy.
> 
> Also, though not directly linked, as I was writing, I kind of had a head canon that this exists in the same universe as my other fic Across The Map, just set in present time. You don't need to have read that, but there are a few minor references to things that happen in that fic that can be considered easter eggs for anyone who *has* read it. So...there ya go. ;)
> 
> <333

Armie’s tongue swipes over the last few droplets left behind on his upper lip from his third beer when his phone starts to vibrate in his pocket. He sets his empty bottle on the table beside him and fishes his phone out. Timmy’s name flashes on his screen, and he feels a warmth spread through his chest as he hits “answer” immediately.

“I was beginning to wonder if you’d forgotten about me, sweet T. Or is it ‘Your Highness’ now?” A gentle chuckle rumbles out of his throat, knowing Timmy hated it when he called him that. 

Timmy was supposed to fly over to London for a few days after his big premiere in Venice, but at the last minute Armie got a cryptic text saying he couldn’t make it. When Armie had tried to call, he got sent to voicemail, but received another text five minutes later saying he’d explain everything soon.

That was three days ago, and he’d gotten a handful of texts since then saying how much Timmy missed him, but every time Armie had tried to call, Timmy wouldn’t answer. He’d started to get frustrated and a little concerned, so when Hughie had suggested beers and pizza at his place to help distract him, he’d been more than happy to accept.

“Armie…” It comes out as a breathy sob, and Armie’s pleasantly warm buzz is instantly replaced by icy fear. 

He sits straight up in the patio chair, bringing his feet down from they were resting on Hughie’s back porch railing. “What’s going on, T?”

There’s a soft sniffle on the other end, followed by a tiny whine. “I need you. Can you…can you meet me?”

“Just tell me when and where.” He’s already up and moving to find his keys, silently cursing having that last beer and wondering if he’d still be ok to drive.

Timmy’s quiet on the other end for a minute, and for a second Armie wonders if the call got dropped. But then a slow exhale emanates from the other end of the line. “Where it all began.” Timmy’s voice is surprisingly steady, considering his obvious emotional state. “As soon as you can get here.”

Armie lets his eyes slide close as he takes in Timmy’s words, their meaning sending a shiver down his spine. “I’m on my way.”

He’s about to end the call when he hears Timmy’s hushed voice come back over the line. “Just…stay off the internet until you get here. Please.” The desperation in Timmy’s voice at his plea causes a lump to form in his throat. Whatever is going on, it’s bad.

“Just hold tight, I’ll be there in a couple hours. And Timmy,” he pauses, trying to sound more confident in his words than he really feels in the moment. “It’ll be ok, I promise.”

The soft whimper on the other end does nothing to calm his nerves, but after another few seconds he hears a whispered, “Ok.” He takes that as the best he’s going to get for now, so he quickly says goodbye and hangs up, desperate to get to Timmy as fast as he can.

He’s halfway to the front door when a gentle hand lands on his forearm, stilling him. He turns to find Hughie looking at him with patient, knowing eyes. “Come on man, I’ll drive.” Hughie calmly pries Armie’s keys from his hand and continues moving toward the door. As Hughie moves past him to lead the way, he silently thanks whatever deity might be out there for the few people in his life who know the full story and are willing to go to any lengths to support him. 

The ride to the airport is blessedly quiet, aside from the sound of Hughie’s soft humming every once in a while. He can’t quite place the tune, but he knows it was originally sung by one of the classic crooners. He lets the gentle notes wash over him as he tries not to work himself into a panic.

Once he gets through security at the airport, he snaps a picture of the gate and texts it to Timmy, and he receives a single black heart emoji in response two minutes later. As he waits for his plane to arrive, he can’t stop his mind from going in a thousand different directions, trying to hone in on what might have happened in the last 72 hours to cause Timmy to cancel his plans to come to London to see him and then call him in such distress needing to meet in their special place.

His thumbnail is trapped between his teeth and his knee bounces restlessly as he tries to keep his promise not to look at whatever Timmy doesn’t want him to see. He lasts until five minutes before he’s about to board, the people from the previous flight flooding out of the gate and towards their final destinations.

He quickly opens Google and types in Timmy’s name, and when his eyes scan the most recent results, a pit the size of a fist forms in his gut and he suddenly understands everything. He quickly scrolls through the set of pictures, his stomach churning the more he sees.

He’s never been so glad to be forced to turn off his phone when he boards the plane, and he quickly decides it’s best not to tempt himself to look more using the in-flight wifi. He spends the two-hour flight willing himself to stay calm and not overreact, but the images he saw are now burned in his brain and he isn’t sure how to keep the initial sting from becoming a deep-seated ache in his chest.

When he steps out of the cab in front of the hotel in Rome, he takes a deep breath and walks inside. The man at the registration desk seems to recognize him and Armie knows he’ll probably have to give him a generous tip for his discretion, but right now he hardly cares. He’s given the key to the room he knows Timmy is already in waiting for him and he quickly makes his way to the elevators.

Standing in front of this room again, he’s flooded with images of the last time they were here. When they’d been on the promo tour for Call My By Your Name and everything had been so different. It was where things between them shifted, became more than just a platonic friendship and started them on the road that’s led to so much change in both of their lives.

He takes a deep breath and swipes the key card in the slot, waiting for the little green light to flash before he quietly pushes open the door. At first glance, there’s no sign of Timmy in the room, but then he notices the open balcony door as the wind whips around the curtain, blowing it backwards into the room.

The hammering in his chest slows slightly as he catches sight of Timmy’s silhouette in the moonlight, leaning over the balcony railing as he smokes a joint. Moving the sheer fabric of the curtain aside, he steps out onto the balcony and moves to stand beside Timmy’s bent form.

Timmy doesn’t look up from where he’s staring at the street below them, thankfully empty at such a late hour, but silently hands him the blunt as a way of greeting. Armie hesitates a beat, not sure getting high right now is the wisest decision, but eventually takes the offered joint and slips the end between his lips, pulling a deep hit. He watches the smoke as it billows from his mouth a few seconds later, trying to let the pot relax him enough to be there for Timmy in the way he clearly needs right now.

They remain silent for another minute, Armie taking one last drag before stubbing it out with his boot. “You looked at them, didn’t you?” Timmy’s voice is so quiet, he sounds much farther away than the foot that’s separating them in actuality.

Armie sighs, not sure which answer will upset Timmy the least. But he’s never outright lied to him since this whole thing started, and he isn’t about to start now. He casts a sidelong glance at Timmy’s face, trying to read his expression, but the shadows covering his face make it impossible to make anything out. “Did you really expect me not to?”

He watches as Timmy stiffens and closes his eyes, then a few seconds later the tension in his body releases and he slumps even further over the rail as if in defeat. “No, not really. Foolishly hoping, I guess.”

The sadness in Timmy’s voice is too much for him. Swiveling his body to face Timmy more directly, he passes a hand beneath Timmy’s chin and turns his face toward him in an effort to catch his gaze. But Timmy stubbornly refuses to meet his eyes. “Hey, look at me.” It takes another several seconds before Timmy eyes slowly slide up enough to lock onto his own. “You’re not a fool. And I’m not upset with you. I just wish you’d told me what was going on before.”

A long puff of air escapes Timmy lips, and he pushes off the railing to straighten up to his full height. “Everything happened so fast, and I didn’t know how to deal with it. I didn’t know how to tell you, I didn’t want to hurt you.”

Armie feels his chest tighten with a combination of sympathy and guilt, knowing how many times he’s put Timmy in the same position. “Doesn’t it hurt when you have to see me with Elizabeth?”

Timmy’s eyes, having drifted away from his again, snap back to him in alarm. “But that’s different. You two have been married since long before I came along. People expect you to be seen together. This was…well, it’s not the same.”

The guilt and shame in Timmy’s eyes chip away tiny pieces of his heart, knowing from experience there’s not much he can do to ease it. “Does that make it any less painful to see?”

Timmy drops his eyes again, digging the toe of one shoe into the cement beneath him. It’s the only answer he could have expected. “I didn’t think so.” He reaches for Timmy’s hand, twines their fingers together and gives a gentle tug. “Come on, let’s go inside.”

Timmy obediently follows him as he pulls him by the hand back inside the hotel room, Armie sliding the balcony door closed behind them as Timmy moves to sit on the still-made bed. He joins him a few seconds later, and Timmy immediately falls against him, burrowing into his warmth. 

He wraps an arm around Timmy’s back, his hand snaking up to run through his curls. They’re growing out so fast, already so much longer than the last time they were together. He loves how soft they are, the silky strands wrapping around his long digits as he continues to stroke the buoyant nest on Timmy’s head.

Silence passes between them for several minutes. When Timmy’s voice finally breaks the peaceful spell between them, it’s all he can do to hold himself together. “I’m sorry, Armie.”

“You don’t need to be sorry. We both knew this was going to happen eventually. It’s just part of the deal. Everything will be fine.” His words sound hollow even to his own ears, knowing that even though they are technically true, the complicated emotions behind everything aren’t so easy to just wave away, on either of their parts.

“You don’t really believe that.”

The utter defeat in Timmy’s tone sparks a fire of defiance in him, granting him the resolve he didn’t have ten seconds ago. “Yes, I do.” He shifts away from Timmy’s side so he can look him in the eyes again. “I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, or that there won’t be pain for both of us. But we knew that going in. We made the decision to do this, together. And I’m not about to back out now. Are you?”

He searches Timmy’s eyes, silently begging him to not give up hope for them after they’ve come so far. He sees the exact moment that Timmy finally believes him, that his own resolve takes hold and forces him to surrender his doubts. Timmy silently shakes his head, eyes never leaving Armie’s, and for the first time since Timmy called him earlier in the evening, he breathes a sigh of relief.

“Good, cause you know, I kinda like you.” A small, teasing smirk crosses his face, and Timmy rolls his eyes and faceplants into Armie’s chest before pulling back again.

“Is that so?” The twitch of Timmy’s lips into a half-smile causes him to melt into a genuine smile.

“Mmhmmm.” He grabs Timmy’s shirt and pulls him in for a kiss, their first one in so long. As Timmy melts into the kiss, Armie feels some of the tension fade away and it’s just them, in this for the long haul.

As Armie pulls back a minute later, he smacks his lips together loudly. “But…” He furrows his brow in faux concern. “You really need to work on looking more convincing when you kiss. Because those pics were pretty tragic.” He lets out a small snicker when Timmy smacks his arm and pouts.

“Not funny, dude. I was so uncomfortable with the whole thing.” Timmy’s eyes turn sad again and he can’t have that, so he tries to soothe over his teasing.

“Well, luckily I know how sexy you look when you’re kissing someone you’re actually attracted to, so the rest of the world can think whatever they want. They don’t know what they’re missing.” 

The tips of his fingers trail along Timmy’s bottom lip and Timmy closes his eyes, mouth opening just enough for the tip of his tongue to trace where Armie’s fingers had been. “Oh yeah? What’s that?” It comes out a breathy sigh, and Armie zeroes in on the slight hitch in his breath when he inhales.

And it’s been so long since he’s heard that sound, felt Timmy against him in the way that really matters, he can’t stop himself from leaning in, just barely brushing his lips over Timmy’s. “This…” A hint of a whisper passes between them a second before he closes the distance between them.

The sound of Timmy’s tiny whimper as they fully come together sends a flood of warmth through his body. They start slow, relearning each other’s mouths after being physically separated for months. FaceTime is good for many things, but physical intimacy with your lover isn’t one of them.

Armie is just about to pull back for air when Timmy makes a needy keening sound and leans harder into him, pushing until Armie is forced to fall back flat against the mattress. Timmy wastes no time climbing on top of him, pulling and shoving until they’re more fully situated on the bed.

A part of him knows he should pull back, should make sure that Timmy is actually going to be ok with all of this going forward before they both lose the ability to think clearly and work things out. But as Timmy starts trailing kisses down his neck, gripping at his t-shirt like he’s afraid Armie will disappear any second, he realizes that maybe this is exactly what Timmy needs right now - the physical reassurance that he’s here.

He allows Timmy to explore freely, relaxing into the mattress and letting his mind wander. He thinks back to the first time they were in this very room, already a year and a half ago. Where they went from friends to lovers and everything in between. So much has happened since that first night together, and he wouldn’t trade a minute of it.

He’s so lost in his own memories, it takes him a few seconds to realize that Timmy has stopped his attack on his throat and is sitting back on his heels looking down at him with worried eyes, his bottom lip caught between his teeth. He shakes himself free of the past and focuses on how to fix the present. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Timmy’s eyes find his, and he sees the bit of moisture gathering in the corners. “Just…tell me this is all going to be ok in the end. All this lying and bullshit, I need to know it’s worth it.”

Armie’s heart hammers in his chest at hearing the doubt in Timmy’s voice, unable to shake the feeling that maybe Timmy isn’t up for this after all. He pulls himself up into a sitting position, grabbing hold of Timmy’s waist so he doesn’t slide off his lap in the process, and swipes a hand through his mess of curls, tucking a few strands behind Timmy’s ear. “Hey, listen to me. It _is_ worth it, ok? I promise you. In another two years, all of this will be a distant memory and we can be together how we went, when we want. We just have to get through this tough part first, and then I’m going to spend the rest of my life with you.”

It’s the first time he’s said that sentiment out loud, though he’s thought it plenty of times over the last 18 months. But he sees the moment Timmy registers their true meaning and the sight takes his breath away. Eyes wide, slight blush coloring his cheeks, the moisture in his eyes now threatening to spill over, lips twitching up into a small smile. “Yeah well, you better.” 

Timmy’s bottom lip disappears between his teeth again, this time in a seductive smirk, and Armie knows this game by heart now. A low chuckle rumbles from his throat as he grabs onto Timmy’s waist and twists his own hips, flipping their positions in one smooth motion. Timmy’s back hits the mattress with force but he immediately leans back up to strip his shirt over his head, reaching up to shed Armie of his own top as soon as his arms are free.

Timmy’s hands are on him the second the material leaves his body, running up his toned abs, squeezing one of his nipples gently before his long, nimble fingers are trailing through the patch of hair on his upper chest. The sensation feels amazing after too many months of relying on FaceTime and his own hand.

He fits himself between Timmy’s spread thighs and lowers his body weight down slowly to bring their bodies closer together. Timmy surges up at the same moment to bring their lips together in a messy kiss, the heat of passion taking over.

But Armie knows this is the only chance they’ll have to be together for another while and he wants it to last. He gently pushes Timmy back into the mattress as he moves his face away to trail kisses down his neck and chest, loving the way Timmy arches his back when Armie finds his sensitive spots and works them over with his tongue.

As he moves further down, he traces the tip of his tongue around Timmy’s belly button as he works to pop the button of Timmy’s pants and drags the zipper down. The sharp inhale from above him is incredibly satisfying; the knowledge that he’s the one who gets to make Timmy come apart sends an electric jolt straight to his groin.

Once he gets Timmy’s pants and underwear off, he lays back in between his legs and nuzzles the inside of Timmy’s smooth, creamy thigh. He’s missed the heady taste of Timmy’s skin, sweaty and tangy with just a hint of sweetness mixed together to make the perfect cocktail off _Timmy_.

After what feels like a lifetime since he last had Timmy in his mouth, he finally closes his lips around the head of his already hard and leaking cock and takes it all the way down to the root. The sound of Timmy moaning his name and the feeling of hands clenching tightly in his hair make his own dick ache between his own legs, but he does his best to ignore it to focus on the task at hand.

“Fuck, Armie! I’ve missed your mouth on me so much.” Timmy’s panting and writhing beneath him, and the taste of his precome leaking onto his tongue is heaven.

After a couple minutes, he gently shifts Timmy’s hips up, giving him better access to his entrance. He trails one finger down, circling the rim slowly. He doesn’t push in though, even when Timmy whines and tries to push down on his finger. He releases Timmy’s cock with a wet pop before moving back up to present Timmy with his bone-dry fingers. Timmy doesn’t need any instruction, simply grabs Armie’s hand and sucks three fingers into his mouth simultaneously, winding his tongue around and between them to make sure they’re sufficiently wet.

When he pulls them back out from Timmy’s mouth, they’re dripping with his saliva and Timmy looks satisfied with his efforts. Armie leans in for a quick kiss before moving back into position. When his index finger breaches Timmy’s body, a loud moan echoes through the room followed by a string of curses. 

He starts slow, giving Timmy time to adjust to the stretch after not having done this for a while. He waits for Timmy’s impatient grunt and wriggle of his hips before adding a second, sliding it in gently before scissoring them to help stretch him more fully. 

When he goes to add the third, he takes Timmy back in his mouth and sucks gently at the head, savoring the way his body is so responsive to the dual sensations of Armie’s mouth on him while his fingers are inside him. It’s always been one of his favorite things about their sex life, how he can make Timmy come apart so completely with barely any effort. But ever the considerate lover, he’s spent a lot of time finding new ways to reduce Timmy to a babbling, writhing mess completely at his mercy to keep them both happy and satisfied.

Armie can feel Timmy getting close, the first of the telltale signs beginning to show themselves as he keeps working both his hole and his cock. He considers letting Timmy come just like this, his own need for pleasure becoming secondary to making sure he gives Timmy what he needs right now.

But a minute later, Timmy’s hands are scrambling at his arms, desperately trying to still his movements. “St…Stop. Armie, wait.” Armie obediently pauses his actions and looks up into Timmy’s frantic eyes. “Not…yet. Need…need you inside. Need to…feel you.” 

Timmy’s heaving for breath, his entire body flushed bright red, a bead of sweat trickling down from his hairline. Armie’s thinks he’s never looked more beautiful. “You sure?”

The incredulous look that passes over Timmy’s face as he shuffles up onto his elbows is answer enough. “Are you fucking kidding me, Hammer?! If you don’t put your dick in me in the next two minutes, so help me god…”

Armie’s loud snort cuts Timmy off mid-rant, and he hold his hands up in surrender. “Ok, ok!” He snickers at the ridiculousness of the situation and scrambles off the bed so he can finish stripping his own pants off. He’s about to look for lube when he remembers he didn’t even bring a bag with him. “Umm, lube?”

Timmy huffs impatiently, falling back onto the bed. “Side zipper pocket of my bag.” Timmy waves a hand in the vague direction of where his bag is sitting by the closet door. Armie hadn’t even noticed it was there before now. He quickly retrieves the tube and climbs back on the bed.

Once he’s slicked up and ready, he positions himself at Timmy’s opening and hooks Timmy’s legs over his shoulder. The first push in makes them both gasp as Timmy clenches around him. It takes a minute to get all the way inside, but once he’s fully seated in Timmy’s tight heat, he wants nothing more than to stay right there forever.

Timmy’s impatient “Armie, move,” spurs him into action though, and soon he’s rocking in and out, savoring the way Timmy’s rim grips at him with every drag of his hips.

He’s just settling into a decent rhythm when Timmy grips at his bicep, fingers digging hard into the firm flesh. “Wait wait, stop.”

Armie stills instantly, worried that he’d hurt Timmy somehow, even though his thorough preparations should have prevented that. “Why? What’s wrong?”

Timmy’s face scrunches up for a minute before releasing again. “Can we just…let me ride you. Please.”

It takes Armie a minute to process the request, still stuck on worrying about there being something wrong. But when Timmy’s grip loosens and he smooths over the skin he’d been clinging to so hard a minute ago, he finally begins to understand what this whole thing is about.

He moves his other hand to cover Timmy’s on his arm, squeezing it gently and giving a silent nod before carefully pulling out and moving to position himself on his back. He waits patiently until Timmy finally moves to straddle him, knees on either side of his hips as they dig into the mattress.

When Timmy locks eyes with him, a fierce determination in his gaze, Armie realizes that this isn’t just about a preferred sex position. It’s Timmy’s way of having some control over something when he has so little over the rest of his life right now. And if this is what he needs to get him through this, Armie is more than happy to let him take the reins here.

When Timmy sinks back down onto him, sheathing him once again in his tight heat, he can’t stop the grunt of pleasure that falls from his mouth. He lets Timmy set the pace, rising and falling in quick succession a few times before simply rolling his hips back and forth with Armie still deep inside.

It all feels amazing, and soon he’s lost to the sensation of Timmy moving his lithe body up and down on his cock. He’s once again transported back to the first time they were here. Timmy had wanted to ride him during their first time, too. And all their pent-up sexual energy had finally erupted in a powerful blast that forever changed both of them. He’s suddenly struck by all the parallels between then and now, the past creeping into their present and somehow giving them glimpses into their future.

When he focuses again, he notices Timmy’s eyes screwed shut, face scrunched up in deep concentration. He’s bracing his arms on Armie’s chest, hunched over Armie as he tries to maintain a steady rhythm.

Armie brings a hand up to brush over his face, swiping a sweaty curl away from his forehead. “Hey. Timmy, look at me.”

It takes a few seconds, but eventually Timmy stills and opens his eyes, focusing his bleary gaze on Armie. “Be here with me, right now in this moment. It’s just us, ok? That’s all that matters.”

Timmy makes a soft snuffling sound but nods obediently, and Armie pulls him down for a kiss. “I’m right here.” He breathes it into Timmy’s open mouth, hoping to preemptively help soothe the ache of knowing what tomorrow brings for them both.

Armie continues to hold him close as Timmy resumes his movements. He keeps his eyes locked on Timmy’s, both of them hurtling toward the edge as Timmy picks up speed. It’s one of the most intense things he’s ever experienced, and when he feels Timmy start to spasm around him as his climax tears through him, he lets out a deep, guttural moan and follows him seconds later.

Timmy slumps his whole body over him as he comes down from his high. Armie strokes his sweat-slick back gently, kissing his temple and humming his praise softly into his damp hair. When Timmy doesn’t make a move to pull off of him, he doesn’t say anything, just lets Timmy keep him inside for as long as he needs.

It might be minutes or hours later, he doesn’t know, but eventually Timmy shifts so that Armie’s now soft cock finally slips out of him and he curls into his side, sated and already half-asleep. “I hate that we have so little time.”

Armie’s heart clenches painfully at the sadness in Timmy’s voice, but he doesn’t know how to soothe the ache when he feels it as well. “I know. Me too.” He presses a kiss to Timmy’s hair and receives a soft sigh in return.

“But if we have the rest of our lives, I can wait.” Armie forgets how to breathe for a good twenty seconds until he hears the quiet sound of Timmy snoring peacefully against him.

Warmth spreads through his body like the comfort of his favorite blanket wrapping around him on a cold winter’s morning. Tomorrow, they both have to go back to a world of pretending and deceit. But right now, in this moment, they’re together and happy. And that’s enough.


End file.
